I read an interesting article by Naomi Wolf in NY Mag this morning, which concerned me. The article proposes the male libido is becoming less and less of a force, and it’s because of pornography. To be honest, I don’t watch much pornography, and never really have. However, I have watched my fair share over the years, and some of it has changed my expectations of sex, and had a large impact on my sexuality.
I’m not sure how to quantify the effect porn has had on my sexuality, or more specifically my libido, but it’s worth discussing the possible effects. Naomi (who is a brilliant author, by the way) claims that porn is making male expectations of sex unreasonable, and males having access to naked women (note: plural) is killing their libido. This debate enters into the realm of how to have a successful family (i.e. the parents staying together) and the adventurous ways that younger women are acting to try and keep the attention of their male counterparts.
I have noticed the young female shift towards adventure more and more the older (or just more experienced) I get. It is not uncommon for females to consider threesomes, or at the very least, kiss another girl while drinking. I’ve had some real shockers lately in the females kissing females category, as I’ve been informed of some fairly devout Catholic girls making out at a bar. The religious denomination is not necessarily the shocker; the fact of who the girls were is though. That’s another story.
My friends, new and old, male and female, know that I am a very sexual person. That is not to be confused with being a “man-whore,” which despite claims to the contrary, is not true. I like to be adventurous, and open with my sexuality, but I don’t think that’s abnormal for a male in his mid-twenties. I’ve put a lot of thought into sexual desire, and what effect porn has on it, but never had I found an article like Naomi’s that discussed the issue so openly. I believe that porn DOES have a negative effect on the male libido, and that IS a serious issue. I’ve experienced a loss of sexual desire when I watch porn too often, and I have all but stopped watching it as a result of that. Monogamy can be a challenge even when the sex life is entertaining, so anything that weakens a couple’s sex life can only be detrimental to the relationship’s chances of survival.
Do you think that pornography is affecting male sexuality negatively? Do you think it’s possible to find a link between increased divorce rate and the rise of porn?
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Andy Veilleux 
I’m not a man, but as a woman sometimes on the receiving end of male desire, I have to say that I don’t think it has diminished. She is right, however, about the pressure on women to compete with porn stars, the general expectation that we should wear their high heels, shave all over, etc. I’m not entirely sure that pressure comes from men, though. My experience is that men do fancy women who don’t look like porn stars, and are so inordinately happy to get them into bed that they aren’t upset when they don’t act like them.
It should also be noted that women watch pornography, too. By glossing over that, and assuming that the goal of life is a long-term, monogamous, heterosexual relationship, she is removing women’s agency a bit. It feels like she is appealing to the good old days, when women were valued and relationships lasted. Those were also the bad old days when people felt that they had little choice, in the face of social stigma, financial dependence and domestic violence, to get out of marriages that were bad for them.
I’m pretty confident that I’m better than a porn film, so I’m not worried. The low quality camera work and bad lighting, on the other hand, I find seriously troubling.
hahah Thanks for the lovely insight. Hopefully they can work on the lighting and camera work that is troubling you 😉
I think it does have a negative effect on the libido. My belief is that, like with anything, if you partake of too much of something, you get stimulus overload, which essentially dulls your reactions to “normal” senses, sights, sounds, tastes, etc. Constant exposure to porn causes a burn out of arousal – it takes more and more and more to arouse a person when they have seen it all on a constant basis. Thanks for the article. It is encouraging to see that it is starting to dawn on men as well that it isn’t so much a ‘morality’ issue as it is a relationship one.
you’re welcome, thanks for the comments. The desensitization argument is quite valid in my opinion as well.
Actually the article is by Naomi Wolf and not Naomi Klein.
oops, slip-up on my part. Mistake corrected, thanks.
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Thank you very much 🙂