I talked for a few hours with a dear friend of mine last night. He's been having a bit of a rough go of things, and I wanted to discuss them with him. As one would imagine, the pain involves love.

I think many will find it interesting that guys do, in fact, talk about love, hurt, and painful emotions we are experiencing (note: you may close your mouths at any time ladies [and I bet most girls are surprised I made an open mouth joke that was not sexual by nature!]). While writing this post, I had the privilege of stumbling upon a post by my friends over at WTF is up with my lovelife?! that discussed how many guys are actually reading and following along with their site (which was intended for women). They discuss being surprised by the response from guys, who legitimately want to discuss their love lives, and ask for advice. Imagine that, guys seeking advice AND discussing romantic, mushy things?! Bizarro world, right? Wrong.

In fact, there are some guys that often discuss their romantic lives with one another, at least in my friends circle (and no, by "romantic" I don't mean sexual). I'd like to talk a bit about what I learned from my discussion with a friend going through a serious break-up. Read their post first, so you can understand the study they mention which discusses how guys tend to store up emotions, resulting in massive break-downs, and being more hurt than their female counter-parts when things go down the tubes. It will put this in proper context, I think.

There are no words you can say to a friend to make them feel better when they're suffering through the aftermath of love. When love is lost, a part of you is as well. Time is the only thing that will heal you, but time does not pass in moments like these. Instead of the age-old cliché that time heals all wounds, I would like to offer a modification. Experience heals all wounds, at least to a degree where life is livable again. Let's face it, that person you love, is never going to go away 100 per cent. They will always have a special ability to irritate, anger, and even delight you. It's weird, but it's true.

Time passing in and of itself, does nothing. If one sits in solitude and broods over their loss, one does not heal. The scar tissue will also become much greater. I tend to brood when I'm miserable, and it's not healthy. It's a lonely place, losing love, and you can feel very much alone for some time afterwards. The key is to make sure you're trying to experience life again. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Go spend time with people. Get out and talk to other people. Sure, you'll get a lot of the same responses: "I know it sucks, but you'll feel better soon," "To be honest, I didn't really like her," "You're better off without her," etc etc etc….  but it's better than nothing. Conversation lets you express what you're feeling (well, try your best to express that which can not truly be expressed – and trust me, we poets have been trying to express it forever, and failing).

It's interesting how friendship is. Last night my friend apologized for being 'selfish' by talking so much about the storm of badness that is currently his life. I laughed, and explained how it's funny the more modest/self-aware guy friends tend to feel like they are doing a disservice to a friend by a discussing their problems. If it were a disservice of friendship, then what is friendship for? (Note: this does not apply to THOSE friends who always have "issues," and always bring them up, who are actually annoying because they're so woe-is-me). Life is meant to be discusses, and shared, with your friends. Communication is great; it brings people together, and makes life that much more enjoyable as a result. Guys, don't be afraid to talk about your problems. It's unhealthy not to, and it will lead to some serious problems for you.