memories

memories and my circus

/ andyveilleux / Leave a comment

The days stopped melting when weeks became a blur and

there was something lucid about this long dream I

could not place my finger on,

or any other useful appendage.

 

My brain tried to wrap around it all,

warped,

and became a circle of infinity,

forever repeating a forgotten memory

so old it had become snowed out like so many

old VHS movies.

 

I could sit and stare at the screens for hours,

and the message or medium never changes.

 

My life as a circus show

minus a few bears riding unicycles,

and a strong woman.

Never coming home again

/ andyveilleux / 1 Comment

Everyone dreams of something,

or someone to come home to

that means anything at all

in this plastic and material life.

 

We fall apart

a shaving of dignity at a time

and we become so thin and barren

that only another so broken could love us.

 

Our best friends are the worst critics

knowing that we are capable of more,

fists red from punching snowbanks on

hour-long walks home through the St. John’s

streets that are empty and decrepit.

 

They demand what we could never give,

or can only show in glimpses,

potential is a tricky game and it drowns more than it saves.

 

I opened the door and wished you would

walk out of the old room

sleepy-eyed and confused

and I could tell you that it was okay

and I was home,

but I would never be home again.

 

a beast and a gentleman

/ andyveilleux / 2 Comments

I haven't even managed,

to hit my full stride,

yet.

I'm already your favourite beast,

and maybe,

favourite gentleman.

 

The image is broken.

 

The thoughts of me,

and my best moments,

fell from your ears and shattered;

a mountain ridge of memories,

piled on the cold floor,

passive,

on cracked, dry concrete.

 

You're broken,

and I know,

because,

I broke you;

you never had a chance,

or a shot in hell.

 

Don't worry,

dry your comatose eyes,

you're finished but there are,

certainly worse things in life;

not death.

 

I stole your core,

the package of life,

that represents you,

keeps you breathing,

and I ate it gladly with,

my smiling hero jaw.

 

I didn't leave a loiterer,

I fought for my territory,

but you were too strong,

too well-armed for my weak,

shameful,

display of force;

I grapple with inner demons,

that have worn me down for years;

NOW IS YOUR TIME.

 

A train clangs along,

the tracks of your hatred,

a rock on the rails,

shifts the weight,

and the train tips,

ever so slightly,

but not finally.

 

A rusted train penetrates,

a midnight sky of lost hope,

there is nothing else.

stumbling shadow; my dear friend

/ andyveilleux / 2 Comments

I watch you,

a stumbling shadow,

a ghost of greatness past,

but not long passed by.

 

Breathing is required,

thinking will return,

when the time is ready.

 

Code red;

danger,

massacre,

the blood-bath.

 

Breathe,

bloodbath,

breathe,

keep breathing,

focus the pain,

achieve balance,

through agile memories,

that dance through pain.

 

Life continues,

dead friend,

life continues,

pain does too.

 

Experience,

not time,

the great healer;

go live,

again,

dear friend.

 

Love demands it;

Once more unto the breach,

dear friend,

once more.