If I asked you,
would you make the same mistake,
or burn it all down?
love
A lonely phoenix
A lonely phoenix;
fire in the cold midnight sky,
a change of seasons.
Leave it alone
Leave it alone,
just let it die,
some attempts were meant to fail,
some mistakes were meant to look honest.
The perception isn't always far away,
from the reality,
but sometimes there's a world of difference.
I watched you change,
or maybe I watched my perception fall apart,
and you were revealed again.
This isn't about anger, sadness, or betrayal,
not about who feels what or when they feel it,
this is about truth and expression,
and as long as I breathe I'm going to record my life,
for everyone to learn from my mistakes and success.
What a breakdown from my poetic voice,
I wish I could justify it as freedom of choice,
but I can't,
it just happened,
I kept writing while my poetic soul was napping,
and my rational being came out to play,
I fear he's gone away,
again,
just like a lot of the people in my life,
there's a build-up of personal strife,
dating back to the time I was young,
when memories would stay forever,
and now it's just the scars that last,
I don't think that's too far-flung,
or rather, far-fetched,
I know in your memory I'll remain etched,
because I threw you my life and dreams,
catch!
And you dropped them,
which was kind of ironic,
considering the way we used to throw around a baseball,
and we were so close,
until we left our ambitions, dreams and hopes fall,
so far away from one another.
We worked so hard to exclude each other,
We were both too egotistic,
Lex Luger style narcissistic,
Each other's worst habit,
that we refused to help kick,
out, and there was nothing more to talk,
about,
when our egos occupied the room,
white elephants,
and we'd have shouting matches,
on that old used-up mattress,
where I wasn't your first love,
and won't be your last,
and that's the past,
so it can't touch me now,
I lie to myself,
just like you did,
all those years,
and through all those tears,
when life broke down,
and all you need was to have me around,
but I left you there,
crying by yourself on the ground,
walked away as you fell apart,
like I had no heart,
but that wasn't true,
and that's the hardest part.
You had your hooks in my heart,
and you ripped it out as I walked away,
and that was my most difficult day,
or maybe most difficult year,
but who cares about that?
I look at you now and see ribs from the back,
so what's happening to you?
You're wasting away,
malnourished,
living off fake love,
and the young boys who think you're pretty,
and they're not wrong,
but they can't sing a tune to match your song,
but that's where reality kicks in,
you better notify his next of kin,
because you're going to destroy him,
like you tried to do to me,
but he won't handle it,
unless he's too unintelligent.
The part was never resisting your manipulation,
it was the fact that you'd try such extreme mutilation,
on the one that you loved,
and that's humanity,
and the soundest argument for the absence of the man above.
I wonder what runs through your head,
and if you're just the blackest of widows,
who still wants me dead.
Well guess what,
I survived you before,
and I'd do it again,
because in the end,
I'm back on my feet,
and I'm stronger than ever,
that's not just a line in a poem,
where I'm trying to pretend to be clever,
Leave it alone
Leave it alone,
just let it die,
some attempts were meant to fail,
some mistakes were meant to look honest.
The perception isn't always far away,
from the reality,
but sometimes there's a world of difference.
I watched you change,
or maybe I watched my perception fall apart,
and you were revealed again.
This isn't about anger, sadness, or betrayal,
not about who feels what or when they feel it,
this is about truth and expression,
and as long as I breathe I'm going to record my life,
for everyone to learn from my mistakes and success.
What a breakdown from my poetic voice,
I wish I could justify it as freedom of choice,
but I can't,
it just happened,
I kept writing while my poetic soul was napping,
and my rational being came out to play,
I fear he's gone away,
again,
just like a lot of the people in my life,
there's a build-up of personal strife,
dating back to the time I was young,
when memories would stay forever,
and now it's just the scars that last,
I don't think that's too far-flung,
or rather, far-fetched,
I know in your memory I'll remain etched,
because I threw you my life and dreams,
catch!
And you dropped them,
which was kind of ironic,
considering the way we used to throw around a baseball,
and we were so close,
until we left our ambitions, dreams and hopes fall,
so far away from one another.
We worked so hard to exclude each other,
We were both too egotistic,
Lex Luger style narcissistic,
Each other's worst habit,
that we refused to help kick,
out, and there was nothing more to talk,
about,
when our egos occupied the room,
white elephants,
and we'd have shouting matches,
on that old used-up mattress,
where I wasn't your first love,
and won't be your last,
and that's the past,
so it can't touch me now,
I lie to myself,
just like you did,
all those years,
and through all those tears,
when life broke down,
and all you need was to have me around,
but I left you there,
crying by yourself on the ground,
walked away as you fell apart,
like I had no heart,
but that wasn't true,
and that's the hardest part.
You had your hooks in my heart,
and you ripped it out as I walked away,
and that was my most difficult day,
or maybe most difficult year,
but who cares about that?
I look at you now and see ribs from the back,
so what's happening to you?
You're wasting away,
malnourished,
living off fake love,
and the young boys who think you're pretty,
and they're not wrong,
but they can't sing a tune to match your song,
but that's where reality kicks in,
you better notify his next of kin,
because you're going to destroy him,
like you tried to do to me,
but he won't handle it,
unless he's too unintelligent.
The part was never resisting your manipulation,
it was the fact that you'd try such extreme mutilation,
on the one that you loved,
and that's humanity,
and the soundest argument for the absence of the man above.
I wonder what runs through your head,
and if you're just the blackest of widows,
who still wants me dead.
Well guess what,
I survived you before,
and I'd do it again,
because in the end,
I'm back on my feet,
and I'm stronger than ever,
that's not just a line in a poem,
where I'm trying to pretend to be clever,
Every breath
Every breath is another chance,
to walk away,
and leave you standing alone.
We'll both wish we left,
when we had the chance.
new beginnings and new endings
It isn't my time yet,
the phoenix syndrome again,
burning out my frozen life,
filled with stagnant ideas,
confused thoughts and feelings,
from biting through wires,
trying to understand you.
I need a ressurection,
the second coming,
or maybe it's in the thousands,
but who's counting?
I wouldn't climb that mountain,
it's peaks are too high and icy,
I won't pay the reaper to go back,
that's far too pricey,
and in the end,
the cycle starts again.
I won't pull out a guitar and sing,
that's for the con-artists and kids,
trying to bed you under their favourite star,
or any of them, because he doesn't know the difference,
or how much you've already given away with your mouth,
and all the inappropriate things we said,
as far as he's concerned a lay is a lay,
and if he's got you naked it's been a good day.
I remember when life was that easy,
actually I don't, because I'm not like that,
it takes more than a random night to keep me smiling,
and even though sometimes I'm unhappy,
no one ever called me out for a lack of trying.
Democracies tend to favour civil liberties,
but Mill knows what you'd give for me,
to be your overwhelming fascist,
like I used to be on our mattress,
and are those too strong of words?
No, because it's important to strike chords,
that'll make people listen,
break out of the soul-battering system,
love and passion aren't dead,
listen to the voices in your head,
Loneliness is a reaction to a need not being met,
and the only way to fill it is to get your life set,
and stop looking back,
that's all in the past,
and it can't help you now,
it'll only drag you down.
New beginnings,
new endings,
are we at the end or the beginning,
and what does it matter anyways?
I see new wings sprouting from my back,
or they're old wings I couldn't remember I had,
refurbished wings,
carrying me skyward,
and I know you'll come in the night like a thief,
a solo act of wisdom bearing three gifts of grief,
waiting to give away all your worst parts,
packaged with your body, passion, and smarts,
a one-way ticket to take away a piece of your heart,
and who would take you up on the offer of a second-hand start?
nothing lasts
I was in love with Finland,
her beautiful blonde hair,
and the bluest of eyes,
but especially,
the tender way she spoke to me,
held onto me as if it was forever.
I was in love with Ireland,
her fire burned my heart to a crisp,
and I stuck around to watch it,
and see what it would do to my soul;
what a lovely fury,
what an intense love.
Everyone other country of my past,
is woven into a tapestry,
as are the countries I currently visit,
and it's so beautiful,
but how long does beauty last?
All that glitters…
nothing lasts…
Love and science
Love faces the same problem science does;
a lack of evidence.
Love breaks down when you ask for proof;
"How much do you love me?"
"a lot"
"how much?"
"with all my heart.."
useless words.
How can you describe the feeling?
You can't.
Your language fails you.
It doesn't matter hos intricate your description,
how extensive your vocabulary,
humans have demeaned the word 'love,'
and it's nowhere near representative,
of the series of feelings it represents.
It's not your fault you can't explain it,
language is broken,
it's out-of-sync with life,
language is a series of symbols we use,
so we can sort of understand one another,
occasionally.
It's as exact a science, and as productive,
as fishing with dynamite,
if fish were the staple of your diet.
To use the cliché,
love is still the best game in town,
so we deal with it because,
the alternatives are undesirable.
Memories
We always recall our past lovers,
with such fond memories and warm hearts,
much more than we did when we were with them.
Maybe the answer is simple;
we never gave them enough credit,
when we were in love with them.
Sadness and bad moments,
pass from memory,
easily enough,
because they are common.
Happy moments linger awhile,
and dance on in your mind,
and memories of love,
well, those last forever.
Andy Veilleux 