My willpower slaps you,
with all my bad intentions,
tearing down your resistance,
in one fell swoop.
You'll never forget me;
I broke you apart,
to make you whole.
You're better than ever,
better than you ever were,
now that you're without me.
Only one line was true;
my ghost will be your curse,
for as long as you breathe.
Don't love me for my character,
my charm,
or my wit;
time will rob me of them,
or distort them so badly,
you won't recognize me.
Love me for this,
these words,
they live forever,
and are as much of me,
as my wit, charm, or character,
and maybe they are even more.
Your arrows don't hurt me,
intentional or otherwise,
they strike my thick hide,
and lose all momentum.
I'm strong enough now,
after all my incredible failures,
and the moments I could have,
died.
I'm rebuilt,
reborn,
reanimated.
I'll read it like a script,
because I know who I am,
as much as anyone can.
I've become something,
changed,
difficult to capture;
a lightning snake,
as thick as the moon,
with the strength of King Kong,
and the audacity of a hungry squirrel.
A moral compass like Dorian Gray's,
slowly changing,
but for the better instead.
You won't understand,
anything I've written,
but it's not about you,
now or ever.
There are words trying to escape,
and they must be watched at all times,
carefully.
Imagine what they would do,
if I wasn't around to watch them,
organize themselves on the pages?
What secrets would be revealed,
and what mysteries would they tell?
Oh,
how the skeletons would dance,
for all of us,
despite our consciously spun life stories,
where we never feel responsible for the evil.
It's not something that comes with age. It's not something that is relative to maturity. Being genuine is a moral thing.
That being said, there is a certain amount of responsibility in the way you live your life, whether you like it or not. Every decision has a consequence, and no decision you make can be blamed on anyone else.
People have a way of avoiding responsibility, and in doing so, making excuses for their lack of genuineness. "I didn't tell you about ___, because _______." "I didn't ask you to _____, because so-and-so said______." "It;s not my fault, it's your fault, because ______."
Stop it.
You are granted almost complete freedom in your life, you need to learn how to be responsible for that freedom. Sure, living in a society restrains certain freedoms. If you don't like the social constraints, leave your society. Back to reality:
You are free, therefore you must accept the responsibility of your life. Lying was not brought on by someone else. You chose to lie, you deal with the consequences. You choose to cheat on your partner, you wear the guilt of it. If you choose to hurt a loved one, You must carry the weight of that betrayal.
I've encountered many forms of this in the past month or so specifically. This has mainly been in cross-gender friendships I'm involved in, which should not come as a surprise, considering they can often be complex situations.
It can be as simple as a clever lie to parry a curious question I asked (which, evidently, was not so clever). It can be as big as inventing a reason to not hang out. It can be as complicated as mixing fact and fiction to describe a disagreeable recent-past event as "for the best," when in reality, that's not the way the person was truly feeling.
All of these are lies, and there is a serious problem when it comes to misdirection and dishonesty in our day-to-day interactions. Lies compound themselves, and begin breeding more lies. Lies also grow from small, controllable fact-fiction hybrids, into untamed beasts of deceit.
"So what's is your point, Andy?" Well, it's simple: We need to start treating one another better, and living our lives in a more honest and responsible way. We need to practice being open with our communication, and realizing the consequences that our actions have on the people around us.
I understand the counter-arguments. "Not everyone is going to do this." So what? It's better to live your life in a moral, and respectable manner, and your influence may spread beyond yourself and encourage this healthy way of living amongst your friends and family. "If I'm always honest, and the other person isn't, I'll just get hurt." If you're dealing with a snake like that, you're going to get hurt anyways. There's no reason to act like an abusive idiot, just because someone has abused you.
In conclusion, I hope to see more people behaving responsible. If you make a mistake, confess it to the people who are affected. Make amends with them. Error is a human trait, as is forgiveness. Practice both, and we'll all be happier for it.
I carried the basket full of dirty clothing out of my room. It was a short walk made slightly longer by the weight of a weeks’ worth of laundry. I was happy when I realized half of the laundry had not been worn by me.
Darks first, in cold/cold with a short spin cycle. I made my way upstairs to write statements for a client. I indulge myself by eating four miniature chocolate bars, which had probably been created to give people the illusion they can satisfy a sweet-tooth by eating only a few smaller portions. People are never satisfied.
The orange, plastic cup of cola was sweating on the table. Beads of moisture formed on the outside, creating a substance with more nutritional value than the dark, sweet liquid inside. The chocolate and cola combined to give a sugar high that would drop me in about five minutes tops.
It was time to write, or time for nothing. If you figure all the nothing eventually amount to something, you’ll be disappointed on Judgement Day. You’ll be pleasantly surprised, however, when the Tax-man comes.
It isn’t up to God or taxes to explain the significance of a human life. Life is used up when time runs out, no matter how you spend it.
There was sex, sleep, conversation, and art. There was no love. We did not even love one another improperly.
The art was tired, and made in the spirit of fun. Art is only art when it is expressing an emotion. We expressed our humourous side, with a slice of our inner happiness.Happiness took its foot of the gas occasionally, and the remnants of past glittered with pain in the pupils of our eyes.
The sex was never tired, even when we were. The conversation never struggled, but never went much below the surface. Sleep didn't matter.
We existed this way for months, in between relationships, ex-lovers, and competing friendships. One day it broke, and we may have spoken a total of three sentences each since.
Even broken friendships are worth remembering. Some things that glitter lose their appeal too soon.There is an abyss of lost friendship, and conversations that should have happened.
Sometimes we dance on the edge of both love and friendship. Sometimes we are too broken to dance.
I sat at the bottom of the shower,
hot, cleansing water poured on me,
rivers were made through my leg hair,
meandering down my sky-bent knees;
the water dripped off of my nose,
my eye-lashes,
my memories.
Some decisions are too hard,
and must be made for you.
I used to walk,
calmly,
on wires,
formed of the sharpest,
and strongest toxic metals;
brilliant.
I used to charge,
unprovoked,
through walls,
made of powdery,
bone-dry concrete;
unstoppable.
I used to stumble,
drunkenly,
through life,
weaved from broken,
and shattered dreams;
failing.
I used to be somebody,
you’d remember,
when the chips were down;
the house never wins anymore.
A divine comedy dances,
on lines etched into flesh,
long ago by the crimson beauty.
A foggy mirror reflects,
beams of radiant moonlight,
through the evaporating tea and milk,
we used to drown all of our problems.
There's no cycle here,
no spinning wheel to,
repeat the same story.
There's nothing to reinvent,
no foundation for this to ride on,
and no carriage pulled by wild horses,
symbolic of our deepest desires and dreams,
now withering and dying in the cracks of love's floor.
No heart beats,
beneath floor-boards,
of cryptic, rotting elegance,
to alert the proper authorities.
Something is screaming,
deep within my soul however,
and I'm begging for an outlet;
It will die between these lines.
Andy Veilleux 