Love and hurt

There is no apology big enough

for the injuries and mistakes of love,

nor should there be.

 

Love is the most destructive force

in the history of mankind,

and in every intimate connection.

 

We have slaughtered million for love,

torn apart the lives of our closest friend,

and that was barely the opening act.

 

What memory stings like love lost?

What gap in your life cannot be restored,

except by more of the same?

What would push you to destroy the fabric

of the only person that mattered?

 

There is an agony in love

and a pain unlike any other

and we are children on the

playground

constantly falling from the top of the

monkey

BARS

occasionally splitting lips

sometimes being knocked out,

on the way down from the top.

 

We tread up the bottom with caution,

but once balance is gained,

we run like cheetahs on the prowl,

and that's when we end up a mess

in a pile on the floor that was made of sand,

but felt lie concrete,

in stillness.

 

Defeat is never so swift or total

as in love.

love hatred and sadness

There are not enough tears to express sorrow,

or enough violent acts to express rage.

Not in any true way,

the best we have are words,

because actions seem to fail.

 

One man,

shaking in his sadness,

body convulsing in fits of tears,

and rolling ever so gently back and forth,

trying to rock himself back to sanity.

and it is not true enough. 

 

The stare of betrayed lovers,

digging through years of happiness,

and the built up human coniditoning of love,

to pierce the soul of their former other,

with the hatred of centuries,

fails to explain it.

 

There are an infinite combination of words,

that act as silhouettes

-at best-

in defining how we feel.

 

The word love means everything,

but we can't define it in an acceptable way,

and nobody has the same definition

in their mind r their heart.

 

Love,

hatred,

sadness,

and what else matters?

My sweetest friend

What have I become, 

my sweetest friend?

Everyone ounce of trust,

fell apart back then.

 

I spend the hours lately,

lost inside my head.

Vultures surround me,

claiming me for dead.

 

Where will you run to,

when the hammer drops?

Who will take you home,

when the parties stop?

 

And where has my head gone?

it's dragging on the gound.

I reach out to the world for love,

but there's no one else around.

 

What have I become,

my sweetest friend?

No apology could stand,

with such a vicious end.

the scissors of time

The scissors of time have tried to take their toll on you, but you're resilient. That was one thing that should never be forgotten, you never gave up on your life. The slash marks were stories, and the scars brought thoughts of you being your father's daughter.

It was never easy for us after we 'earned' a title. You acting your age and me acting twenty years too old. We knew life, for us, was a matter of time. We had our window. It will never permanently close, but it might never open again.

We were wrong to each other, but not in some deep, methodical way. In the stupid, easy way, where the audience screams out for us to act better, but we wink at them. There was never any audience, and we were less clever than we thought.

The end of the track should have hit before we made a home, but the minecart found different rails laced with the same problems. "Us" is a story in two acts, neither with a happy ending, although the first part is closest – because we leave happy. But, as always with us, tragedy struck early in the next act. 

We rarely had heaven on earth, or hell for that matter. We were somewhere of our own devising, not purgatory. We caught the glow of heaven and the wrath of hell, sometimes back-to-back. Love and hatred alternating, hitting us like left and right hooks, until we were so punch drunk from one another we could barely stand. Too swollen to kiss. Somehow, we could always remember.

We thought like pathetic idiots. Blame was thrown around like sugar on ice – someone had replaced the salt. The problems never went anywhere, and we lived historical to the bitter end. We have fallen into familiar issues. The homebody left brooding and contemplating love, the adventurer out meeting the new. Neither leads to happiness, because the wrong questions are asked.

The scars are a mirror into your heart. They are you in the truest sense, no matter how drop-dead gorgeous you can look in a dress. You're not meant for those nights, but you forget everytime, and there's something here about glory days. There's an old soul, small town girl, being hidden by the glamour somehow. The drinks are hard, company weak and the meaning empty, but it shoots one more night in the head.

What glory days are left for the thinker out of time, out of love? What sweet thoughts could dance long enough to pass the days? How many clean, well-lighted places could ease this old mind? The answer is the same.

There is no such thing as a guilt or remorse, in any meaningful way. Guilt and remorse mean little when the past is fixed and decisions have been made. Choice is a funny thing like that. The freedom to choose, but choices and actions become unfree once taken. The past makes us all unfree, and it sunk us like the hand of poseidon around our necks.

I love you, I'm sorry. Life is hard and my letters dance around the unsaid.

aging delivers

History broke years ago

for me

and every time I think

it is fixed

it suddenly stops working again

A coal-powered concept in a 

nuclear world.

 

How many bodies need

to bounce

off the mattress to find love?

Usually a handful,

but some of us never find love.

 

I don't think most of us are looking,

our inner child are still searching

because

they want the comfort

but the rational animal knows

something.

 

Pain and pleasure principles

so skewed nobody even uses them

to figure love out

and it's a good thing for the romantics

because we would have

given up the game

years ago.

 

Aging delivers on scars

and death

and love remains elusive.

A life of sand

A person can become your life to

the point that they are

all you ever knew.

 

The ability to walk slides out from under you

a rug over marbles over ice,

and you find yourself as a fawn dangerously

trying to find your footing in a

frozen world.

 

the left foot plants and

the right foot inches forward with caution

landing near its mark.

 

One will keep crawling in and

out

of beds to learn

what the other already knows.

 

Someone always hurts 

and the world if filled with

idiots

who don't understand much

especially about

love.

 

The something special leaves you

unceremoniously

it sneaks out the front door while you sleep

the same way it snuck in,

and it doesn't leave a note

or forwarding address,

and

even if it would have,

it's dead.

 

We are all grasping at the

sands of time

– some watch themselves get old

others try and keep love alive,

but it's all

just

sand.

Walking on it

Walking on sharp stainless leaking
blood
And walking still
Always walking.

The beauty is grotesque when the hell
Of progress
grinds down the gorgeous until
Simple expressions tell a story
longer than one human life.

Born to die in a non-literal sense
Self-destructive and courageous
And chaotic

lonely hatred

Hatred is a gun loaded

with loneliness

and sometimes ignorance.

 

Sometimes knowledge is

ammunition.

 

There's a fine line between letting

the 

good

times

roll

and the screeching halt of apathy and selfishness.

 

Actions are always stronger than

words spoken

and especially

ideas thought and intended.

The politics of early morning

Six a.m. didn't matter

and I did'nt care much for seven.

 

Five was the time to be alive and slide down the

oily snakeskin back of indecision that

will buck you off like

an ancient dragon waking up with

the force of

15,000 years of fucking righteous anger

and lovers all murdered by time

and indifference.

 

There's only one snake in your ear and

it's a tired tale

for tired eyes

but its ancient and iron-clad

because the message never changes in

a relationship or out of it when

one wonders where the hours go that have split

the oddest of couples

like dried-out pine slabs under

the weight of a hydraulic wood-splitter.

 

Something always snaps 

and someone

always

hurts.

scythe, hammer, sickle

Humans fashion tools

the same

as they fashion signs

words

that can till

pummel/build

or kill.

 

The symbolic march of

similar semiotics

row in row and in

almost-infinite waves of humans

behind a

symbol of

hope

despair

or indifference.

 

All arbitrary,

yet shot through with given

meanings,

intentional

or as unintentional as the piece of shit stuck to your

dog's ass.

 

The smell still exists,

intended

or unintended.